We’ve reached the thirteenth week of my public gratitude practice. Some might say thirteen is an unlucky number, which seems to have been the case this week for my cat, D, who came in last Sunday evening with a limp. He made a rather sorry sight hopping his way into the living room for supper, trailing behind his fully-functional sister, K.
Doing his best Brian Cox impression.
Immediately my heart ached for my feline friend. Witnessing someone – anyone, regardless of species – suffering sometimes hurts me more than if it was me in pain. It’s easier to tolerate pain myself than it is to see an animal or small child injured. Instantly I could feel the anxiety start to creep its way under my skin. I got flashbacks to when we’d last taken a poorly black cat to the vets – and the outcome back then wasn’t good.
Thankfully in recent years I’ve developed a good sense of self-awareness. Recognising that D’s injury is a prime trigger for my anxiety – it’s “Kitty-Mama Kryptonite” – I turned to C for advice. My rational, sensible other-half suggested we wait twenty-four hours to see if he might recover. After all, it made sense he’d not want to stand on his foot if he’d hurt it.
Learning to take a positive perspective on life is an unexpected gift to arise from writing this blog. Putting my faith in my boys, I waited. Monday morning arrived and D was still tripod-ding his way around the house so I reluctantly left for work.
“Living a miraculous life takes commitment… Choose love or choose fear.”
I made an important decision that morning: to choose love over fear. This is something I learnt from Gabrielle Bernstein. Consciously choosing to act from a positive place, I walked to work and continued with my Hour of Power ritual which I’ve learnt to rely on to lift me up. Understandably with D on my mind, it was harder to concentrate than usual. A few times I had to hold back tears as I felt the familiar panic rise in my chest. By the time I arrived at my office, though I was still worried about my cat ,I’d successfully avoided a panic attack by myself, using only kind words and self-compassion.
The next day when D’s foot was no better, C and I put our plan into action and took Hop-a-Long to the vets. I’m fortunate to work for a boss who’s kind-hearted enough allow me to work from home. Whilst we waiting on our appointment, it dawned on me that D seemed rather oblivious to his injury, other than washing a little more frequently and not being able to get about as fast as he’d like. He was handling it just fine; it was me who felt emotionally distressed by his pain. Every time I looked at his furry little face I felt guilty and heartsick, despite his injury not being my fault.
“See things as they are but not worse than they are. Your problems are really just invitations to step through fear.”
Tony Robbins via Forbes.com
With C’s help and support – and these wise words from my self-help hero – I was mentally prepared to handle this situation. It’s a fact of life when you’ve got pets that they’re going to get sick, injured, and eventually… Well, you know… In any case, not allowing myself to get carried away with unhelpful story-telling is a sign of my emotional growth.
Being a somewhat lucky black cat, sixty English pounds, a shot of antibiotics, and a dose of cat Ibruprofen later we arrived back home. Thanks to the magic of modern medicine, miraculously he he was walking normally within the hour. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought he’d faked it! Later that evening we watched the cats play-fight, chasing each other across the lawn. A wave of relief and joy came over me, and it felt like the world was right again. Though even the best of feelings are fleeting, in that precise moment, I couldn’t be more happy.
On that note, I’ll go straight into giving thanks.
This week I’m grateful for:
- D’s leg getting better, first and foremost.
- An extra day of leave, making the weekend just gone into yet another long weekend. Even better because I’d forgotten about it until I was reminded by a colleague, this day off work is just one of many as I’m using my holiday allowance to extend my weekends over the Summer.
- My MacBook, which arrived yesterday. Not someone who gets excited about technology under normal circumstances, even I have to admit it really is a thing of beauty. C’s more of an expert on functionality, but I can confidently say its aesthetics – right down to the expensive minimalist packaging – is second-to-none. I’m apparently easily seduced (so says C), and I must admit to loving my new computer instantly. What I can say for sure is that, as a life-long Windows user and fairly recent iPhone convert, I’m adapting to Apple surprisingly quickly. I think this could be the start of a brand-new friendship!
- Gardening; my new hobby of choice. For the most part, I’m on weed-and-moss demolition duties, leaving C to the more delicate tasks of pruning and planting. However, inspired by a recent episode of BBC’s Gardeners’ World, I fell head over heels for the Himalayan blue poppy. Deciding we’d grow some from seed next year, C and I were surprised to see them in full bloom at our local park. As luck would have it (or perhaps the Universe had my back), they were on sale in the hot-house! Cue an afternoon digging a hole to re-home this gorgeous fairy-tale flower. Excitedly, when I came home from work this evening it looks to have put out new flowers!
- Buying bargain antiques. Venturing into a local antiques warehouse led to C and I impulse-purchasing furniture for our new house: an Art Deco 1930s-era bureau (an old-fashioned desk-slash-storage unit), a (more-or-less) matching lamp stand, and a brass coffee table. They cost less than most modern furniture which is never as well-made as these real-wood pieces.
- Rehoming an original painting. On a high after the antiques shop, we walked around the corner and were drawn to a pastel-coloured painting in a nearby art gallery. Mysterious, melancholy, and rather magical-looking, it turned out to be local artist Doreen Lowe’s abstract, named after the etherial ballet “Coppelia.” (At present, it’s waiting to be reframed before we hang it on our bedroom wall so I haven’t yet got a picture.)
- Wise words from even wiser women. Messaging M, my work-out buddy, before class last week, I mentioned feeling frustrated with myself over my digressions around food and fitness. Whilst I’ve made progress in that I’m not spinning into a self-hate spiral, I must admit to being less comfortable in my skin of late. M helped me to remember what’s way more important than weight; namely our fur babies! Love, as always, trumps fear – even fear of fatness.
- Oil-based beauty. Surprisingly not at all sticky, oils leave my slightly dry skin velvety-soft and moisturised. My favourite face oil is Decleor’s Aromessence Rose D’Orient Oil Serum and I’ve come to prefer cleansing my face with oil, preferring to use face wash is Elemis’ Nourishing Omega-Rich Cleansing Oil . I’ve used Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Body Oil on and off forever thanks to the delicious, chocolatey scent. Since my former hairdresser colleague and life-long friend M gifted me a bottle a few years ago, I’ve also been using Amargan Hair Oil. I’m basically sliding my way along in life.
- Audio books, in general, and “Crushing it!” by Gary Vaynerchuk in particular. Devouring this book within a few days (mostly in the garden or at the gym), I learnt so much about how it’s possible to make it as an entrepreneur in today’s world of social media-based marketing. True to his word, the content of this book is much the same as that found in Gary V’s free You-Tube videos. However for me the value of this audio book was in its structure and pace. A speedy speaker, Gary slows down in recording this book. Explaining his thinking in a logical, step-by-step fashion really helped me to absorb his guidance on a much deeper level. So much so I then bought “Crush it!” in paperback to fully immerse myself in Gary’s business philosophy.
- Upgrading my Audible membership to buy twelve credits so I can choose new audio books whenever I’m ready to “read”. I’ve started listening to books at night when my eyes feel too tired to read, or when the cats wake me up prematurely wanting their breakfast.
- Taking a risk and being brave by sharing my blog with friends, family, and colleagues – as well as with the rest of the world! Probably more a point of pride than a gratitude, but I am thankful that I took action on this now. Having published my blog quietly for a few months now, I was still nervous about how my very personal, heart-felt writing might be received. However I was blown away by the positive comments, encouragement, and support from people who I’ve known forever and those whom I’ve never before met.
- Making my HeatherED page live on Facebook. Taking inspiration from Gary V, I set up a Facebook page a few weeks ago. However I found myself waiting for it to be “ready” before I asked people to like and follow me, putting off making myself vulnerable to the judgment of others. Realising that there’s never a “right” time to make a move, I took a leap of faith and pressed “publish” going all in and asking people to “like” it and support me. Which leads nicely to my final gratitude…
- The many positive comments, conversations, and messages of support I’ve received this week. Turns out that Brene Brown was right: it’s worth making myself vulnerable and risking rejection for the mass of love I’ve received in return. I’ve been particularly touched by remarks referencing this post because it’s a topic that’s so close to my heart. Speaking out around mental health and focusing my energies on positivity, I genuinely feel like I’m making a difference in the world. I’m doing what I believe I’m meant to be doing and following my passions.
I’ll end on a this high as I don’t think there’s much more I can say, other than thank you for reading this. I am incredibly grateful to have you here.
x
Project HeatherED 